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{greater than the sun; 68 light years away. a hidden beauty of an awkward mess}

do you have a dream when you were younger? a dream that you randomly chose without any research. I changed my future jobs like gazillion times, from architect to fashion designer; from dangdut singer to nurse.

what was my childhood dream?

watching Japanese cartoons (or you can call it anime) was my weekly routine done every Sunday morning. Doraemon, Cardcaptor Sakura, Inu Yasha, Detective Conan, you name it. oh, and addition of Rurouni Kenshin every weekdays with my brother. buying Japanese comics (or manga) were on my to-do list everytime I visit bookstore. I was a die-hard fan of Hello Kitty back in kindergarten years—I’m not into collecting, but the red-bowed white cat is an exception. what’s with the past tense? it’s because I didn’t have Hello Kitty stuffs as much as I did when I was 5 years old, even though I’m still in love with Kitty White until this very day.

what’s the correlation to my childhood dreams, then? be patient and keep on reading.

my father worked in Osaka back in early 1990’s and he is very fond of Japanese culture, and so does my mother, who is secretly a comic book reader when she was younger (!) and she really loves detective story, so she reads Detective Conan, too. you can still find lots of Japanese souvenirs in my house—daruma dolls, Japanese girl china doll, or (fake) gold plate with Ginkaku-ji temple drawn on the surface (and it’s singing Fur Elise).

so, I am a former otaku, and it was part of my—perhaps one of the wildest—childhood dream: I want to go to Japan someday.

why wild? it’s because my family wasn’t a overseas traveler, not at all. I could hardly hear any member of my family going overseas except my father, but he’s not enjoying most of his trips, except to Japan and Netherlands. he told me his days in Osaka and how modest most Japanese are, and I listened every single story and my dream grew. my father doesn’t enjoy traveling, that’s why he didn’t take my family to overseas trips but he did for local trips, though.

I gave up the dream as I got older, I realized that being otaku is ridiculous. and since I want to be in law school, I don’t think that Japan is a first choice destination to pursue my education at some time later. I still read mangas when I got time, but not as much as I did before.

but then, my father offered me a trip to Japan as a prize for my efforts at the end of high school year. I accepted it without doubts, after I refused his offer for me to go to China and South Korea (not interested at all). I waited for months and suddenly, it’s time to go.

my brother and sister has went there before, and they were right. Japanese are awesome. I went to major three cities and they were AMAZING. let me recap the days for you:

Day 1

arrived in Kansai International Airport. it was raining, real cold. went to Dotonbori, to see the famous Glico man and ate the authentic takoyaki and okonomiyaki, and then to Osaka Castle to see the first blooming Sakura tree.

Day 2

went to Minoh Park. the landscape was amazing. saw real macaque monkey, and then rode the train to the ancient capital… Kyoto. once I got arrived in Kyoto Central Station, I realized that KYOTO WAS EVEN MORE AMAZING. went to Kodai-ji temple and got mesmerized with everything around, which is indescribable.

Day 3

temple trips to Ginkaku-ji, Kiyomizu-dera and Fushimi-inari. amazing but too crowded with tourists, especially Kiyomizu-dera. saw another sakura tree.

Day 4

another temple trips and then to Karamachi. Kyoto in a nutshell: modest, impressive, lots of old buildings. rode a bus to Tokyo.

Day 5

ARRIVED IN SHINJU-KU. went real tacky seeing all those skyscrapers. I wanted to cry. ran back and forth from station to station. WENT TO SHIBUYA AND SAW THE FAMOUS CROSSROAD. SAW HACHIKO STATUE IN SHIBUYA STATION! WOOHOO! AND THE FULL-BLOOMING SAKURA IN YOYOGI PARK WAS THE CHERRY ON TOP. SAW HARAJUKU TEENAGERS CROWDING THE TAKESHITA-DORI ON SATURDAY NIGHT. AND THEN, TOKYO TOWER. OMG. TOO AMAZING.

Day 6

Tokyo DisneySea. raining. horribly windy. but anyway, I almost cry like literally when I heard Part Of Your World and Beauty and the Beast melody was playing on the station, which was very cute. aside Japanese anime I already told you I grew up with Disney. Tokyo DisneySea is less cute than Disneyland but it’s still amazing even in rainy day. when I saw Ariel’s palace, I almost burst into tears again. ate the best apricot pastry, blackpepper popcorn and Indian curry ever.

Day 7

strolled around Shibuya, which is always busy. went to Ghibli Studio Museum in Mitaka. almost cried again when I saw Totoro bouncing here and there.

Day 8

visited Tsukiji Fish Market, the biggest fish market in the world, to eat the best raw salmon rice bowl and finally ate authentic sushi (bye, deep fried shoi maki). looking for souvenirs. strolled around Omote-sando. last day in Japan. reminiscing the whole trip about how great everything was, except when my sister went impatient. rode a monorail to Haneda International Airport.

—-

so I swore to myself that if I couldn’t live there, I’ll go there again someday. not this year, though.

nothing’s bad TOTEMO SUGOI! see you again soon, Nippon!

xxx

"maybe the reason why I kind of let go and walked away was because i wanted to see if you would follow and grab back on."

it’s funny to see how someone can tore you apart, but when he saw you go far away, he chased you. again. and yeah, it happened to me.

and how could you resist someone that looked into your eyes, saying “I can’t hold seeing you cry”? though if you used your logic, that would sound really stupid. he’s the one who made you cry.

but yeah.
he did everything I said.
I said that I don’t wanna get hurt again.
I said that, if he did once more, I’ll leave. forever.
and he stay to check if I’m okay or not. we sat together and talk about things that has been broken, but he said “if we can still fix it, we’ll fix it together.”

still, through everything I have requested, he still never want to look down inside my heart and what it is beating for, and start look at his and try to open it. yes, the fact alarms me a lot.

so last week I went to Japan and got a bunch of amazing experiences there

and I promise I will post about it soon with pics

AND I’M SURE ENOUGH I’M A DIE-HARD DISNEY FAN!